Thursday, 19 January 2017

A mixture of emotions

Hello third trimester, I can't believe we've made it! It feels so good to be this far along, in the LAST trimester. Getting ever close to meeting our baby boy. Having made it through the last two trimesters. It feels so weird saying hello to the third trimester, because honestly, it's flown by.

My bump is getting bigger by the day and at certain points in the day (usually when he's kicking out or I've eaten a big meal), I can barely see my feet! Noah is reminding daily (or every minute!) that he's very busy growing in there. Friends and family can feel him kicking up a storm and his movements are getting ever stronger (and uncomfortable) by the day.

We've bought almost everything we need for him and are starting work on putting his Nursery together. The realisation that I will become a mum in just two months is really starting to sink in...

The mixture of emotions 

As with every stage of pregnancy, the third trimester is full of mixed emotions. I want it to hurry up so I finally meet our little boy and get my body back into shape!... But I also want it to slow down because the anxiety around "becoming a mother" is really getting to me.

Am I ready to be a mother? This is a question I've asked myself a lot (obviously) over the past year and now he's almost here, I'm really worried the answer is in fact, no. But of course it isn't. The answer is yes. Deep down I know that when he arrives, everything will just fall into place. And I know that I will fall madly and deeply in love with him, because I already am! With every kick, every hiccup, every flip, I'm filled with love for this little human who I haven't even met yet.

That's how I know I'll be okay.

I was really worried for a while that I wouldn't feel his kicks. I'm not sure why, but I guess I'm just a worrier and because my app was telling me I should be feeling him by now and I wasn't, I got anxious that I never would. Stupid huh? But now, I never take a kick for granted. I may moan that he kicks me all the time (because he seriously does), but with every movement, I stop and I talk to him, I feel my belly with my hands. I treasure each of these moments with him. And I honestly can't wait to do that when he is here. Even as I write this, I had to stop. He started kicking me (for the millionth time today), but I just had to stop to feel him. It felt like some kind of limb - a hand, a foot? I don't know. But it's just so incredible.

I'd say physically, I was done with being pregnant. I'm constantly exhausted now, feeling all the aches and pains and my body is seriously gaining some fat that I wish it wasn't. But at the same time, being a mum is going to be an even bigger physical and emotional challenge.

Practising putting the pram together is proving to be difficult enough with my very weak wrists and there's no baby here yet. Then there's the sleepless nights, the crying, the not knowing what he wants, the tantrums when he's older, the fights, the "i hate you mum"s. But boy, is there going to be the best rewards too.

Regardless of any feelings and anxieties I may have, in 2 months I will be a mum, facing all these challenges, emotionally and physically, for the rest of my life. And I couldn't be more excited for the adventure.


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